I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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