you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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