so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
kristin has been a bad kristin
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
