I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
