I just threw up on my dentist
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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