will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
