i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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