im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
