My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
