So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
