He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
