my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
