Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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