I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
