Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
