I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
