I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
