rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
