just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
