Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
