all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
