also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
