apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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