I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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