Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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