I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
