she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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