I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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