i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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