HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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