This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
