you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
