every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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