so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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