she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
