just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
