i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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