So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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