I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
