youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
