ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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