It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
