I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
