He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
