i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
