Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
