Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
