Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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