Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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