the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize