It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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